MISSING: MY MOJO

I've lost my Mojo and want it back. In fact, I need it back.  I am not sure when or how I lost it, but it's been gone for a long time and I don't even know if I can get it back, no matter how hard I try.

My Mojo was my determination. My Mojo landed me the dream job at Sony Music. My Mojo brought me Pearl Jam. My Mojo was my secret weapon to meeting Eddie Vedder.  My Mojo allowed me to do what I wanted and when I wanted.

I don't have that control anymore. I feel like I am just drifting through life without any power or control. I feel trapped and stuck and I promised myself I would never let that happen. I used to take my life by storm and if I were afraid, I would feel the fear and do it anyway. I didn't care, I just did it.

I don't know what happened but my Mojo is gone, baby gone.  If I am going to get out of this fog then I need it back. I need it to get me out of this terrible situation I am in. I need it to get me out of insurance. I need it to get me out of this apartment and I need it to take my life back.

How do I find it? Where do I look? HOW, how, HoW?  Do I need to reach an all time low like in the Rocky movies and fight my way to the top?  I wish I had the answer. I wish I could find my MoJo as I need it real bad right now.  Mojo, please come home.

RAIN RAIN GO AWAY!

It is officially winter in San Francisco. Winter in Northern California means rain, rain and more rain. Tahoe gets the snow and we get the rain. It pours for hours, days and even weeks.  It's very hard navigating around a city with umbrella, raincoat, boots and even worse a toddler.  I can't use the stroller so I need to strap him in the Ergo and go. I tell ya, that boy is heavy!

I don't like the rain, especially when I have a toddler living in San Francisco.  I wouldn't mind the rain if I could use the time to sit home, relax, bake, go to a movie, shop or even go the gym. But those days are over.  Rain is a big, fat headache. The gear I need to lug around to stay dry is annoying. Trying to find indoor activities with a toddler is annoying and getting my clean hardwood floors wet and muddy is very annoying. I just don't like the rain.

Perhaps if I lived in a big house in the 'burbs I would love the rain. In fact, I know I would. I would have a nice playroom for my child and lots of toys. I would even have a "rain day" stash that would magically appear. Yeah, I would like that very much. Maybe I could even bake and watch a movie while Sebastian is happily playing with his trains on his fabulous train table, or with play dough and the like.  Yes, that would be just perfect.  These are times when I wonder about city living and think how nice and easy the suburbs are .... garage, yard and space.  Rainy days are no problem there.

But that's not my reality.  My situation is different. I have an apartment, lots of stairs and not much space.  I don't have a big play area for my son and I don't have room to store rainy day toys and no yard. Instead I have to get the gear and get out and find indoor places for us. It's a  real drag I tell ya.

Rain Rain go away and come back in 100 days.

HUGGING EDDIE VEDDER

Yes, that is right, my dream came true and I hugged Eddie Vedder (of Pearl Jam - for those who don't know).  In my 20's I was a go-getter. I sought, conquered and destroyed.  If I wanted it, I got it. I wanted Pearl Jam.  I wanted to work in the music industry and it had to be Sony Music (Epic Records) because that was PJ's label and guess what, I did it. And I did it FAST.  I sought, conquered and destroyed.  I had so much ambition then and would not give up.

To make a long story short, I worked in Product Marketing for Epic Records and Pearl Jam (and a few other stellar bands) were on my roster. I decided to follow PJ on tour. Why not?  I had free backstage passes and went backstage and hung out with management whenever I wanted and saw a few shows from the stage.  My boss was 100% supportive because it made "Epic" and her look real good. I was even friendly with some of the guys from the band and pretty close with a few dudes from management. It was a dream come true. But I did a lot for that band, a super fan can be a very good thing when you work in the inside. Such as all the Sony equipment they wanted and all the CD's they wanted. I hooked them up and they hooked me up. It was a perfect relationship. In fact, they gave me a title on their Live On Two Legs DVD (Equipment Manager; Toni Neuman) and a "thank-you"since I organized all of the equipment for them; sweet baby Jesus! I even received a plaque that is hanging on my wall. It hangs proud.

PJ played 2 nights in Philadelphia and naturally I went both nights. The 2nd night was the night.
I was backstage after the show and the band and management (including Eddie) were all hanging out in the "green room" backstage. I walked in and walked out. I didn't know what to do. Liz, (management person) walked me back in and introduced me to Eddie and I have to admit, it was one hell of an introduction.  I was red as an apple because I knew ALL eyes were on me.  We said Hi and chatted about the show.... watching stage vs with the crowd, blah, blah, blah.  I thought it went well, people were smiling and asking me questions. But it was time to go. It's not the kind of scene where I could hang out and linger.

I couldn't leave with out some kind of contact. This was Eddie f*&^%ing Vedder. He was MY music guy.  I walked over and said, "I have to shake your hand." He pulled me in for a hug. Can you believe this shit? I am not making this up. It happened with a room full of witnesses.  I left beaming.

Now, if some little Jewish gal from Philly clawed her way to NYC, Sony Music, Pearl Jam into Eddie's arms, can't I find a way to get out of insurance?!?!?!

PLAYGROUND ZEN

There are a thousand baby books published, but is there one about politics at the playground? I think there may be a need because the politics at the playground is no laughing matter.

Toys - when you bring your toys to the playground it's open season and any child should be able to play with them..... but not take them home. Why do some Mom's like to quietly steal another child's toy? That's a no-no. My favorite episode is when another child takes YOUR child's toy and runs off with them, while your kid is like WFT? That was MY toy and why did she run off with them? Where is the Mom here? Why didn't she do anything?

Hitting - It's the parent or caregiver's job to watch your child. Especially if your child likes to hit, bite or  other toddler no-no's. It's their job to make sure the child doesn't throw sand or throw their toys and to teach them otherwise.  My friend Melissa says to me all the time, "I have no problem disciplining another child." But is that going to far? Is that okay? What are the rules here?

What about the older kids who run all over the playground and knock down the little ones? How are we supposed to handle these situations? I go back to Melissa's comment, "I have no problem disciplining another child."

How about when your child befriends another child and the parents are confronted with a budding new friendship and one is into it and the other is not. And if you child misbehaves, how do you handle? Or you are developing a new friendship with another parent and the child misbehaves. How do you handle?

The other day a man's 4 year old HIT a younger girl.  I couldn't believe it. The dad of the hitter didn't really discipline his boy. The girl's father talked to his daughter and made her feel better, but didn't say anything to the dad. What would you do? I would take further action and at least apologise to the little girl and father. What are the rules here?

Playgrounds can be a pretty rough environment and strange things do happen. There are too many child books in the marketplace, but I think there is a market for the Playground Zen book (for comic relief, of course).  I think we could all use a little help at the playground.

SWEET SEBASTIAN: AM I RAISING A WHIMP?

Let's face it, kids are mean. This is not intentional, they just are.  Some toddlers are rough, rude, selfish and yell, MINE, MINE, MINE. My kid is not like this and I am not just saying because he is my darling little angel.  He is a nice boy. He is a sweet boy.

For example: yesterday at the playground a boy (same age) kept following Sebastian around the playground and literally taking every toy out of Sebastian's hands.  My son would just look at me and wonder what he did wrong.  I have no problem taking the toy out of his hands and giving it back to Sebastian and diverting the other boy's attention elsewhere. But it kept happening.  Today, we had another situation where a little girl was pulling toys out of Sebastian's hands and Seb would cry because he was upset.  My boy was just minding his own business. I've noticed he does not do this to others - ever.  He also does not stick up for himself like those kids do and he should. Instead of crying or looking confused when they take the toys away, Sebastian should grab it back. But he doesn't  I guess he doesn't think or know to do that behavior.

I've also noticed that Sebastian will gladly give a toy to another child or baby. When his "friends" come to "his" house to play I tell Sebastian to show them his cars or trains. He does and gladly lets them play with "his" toys.  Again, when the situation is reversed, the "friend" will not allow Sebastian to play with their favorite toys, or stop my guy in his tracks and take back the toy.

I am not saying this is the parent's fault or these kids are evil. It's just survival of the fittest and this starts as early as babyhood. I just wonder if my sweet boy will survive. Will he be the wimpy kid at school? Will he get teased and beat up? We live in a mean and crazy world and you need to be TOUGH to survive and these skills are learned in the early years.  But how do you teach your child to be tough, sensitive and kind?  I guess I need to figure it out and quickly.

LOCATION! LOCATION! LOCATION!

City vs. Suburbs.  I grew up in the suburbs (Rydal, PA). I couldn’t wait to move to the city and did it and worked hard to get there. I moved to the greatest city of all, NYC.  I was 24 and in my glory and lived there for 7 years and then went straight to another city, the most beautiful city of all … San Francisco. 11 years and going strong.  Now we have a 2 year old and we are outgrowing our apartment. Kids need space. We need a yard, closets and more space. We need a bedroom when Nonna visits. We just need more. Our dilemma: city vs. suburbs. 

Suburbs: better schools, community, yard, garage, quiet, our son will (hopefully) grow up with the same group of kids, safety, solitude, SPACE. But it’s boring. There’s not much to look at and not much to do. I was bored in the burbs. You are either at home or in the car driving, driving, driving with traffic & strip malls. 

City: colorful people, amazing restaurants (and always new one’s popping up), hipsters, museums, nice parks for kids and adults, movement, loud, buses, trains, action, life. I marvel of how well my son eats. We go to the farmer’s market 2x a week and pick up fresh and organic produce and fruit. My son eats organic and farm fresh food every day. He doesn’t even know how well he has it.  But we worry about the schools (gangs!), and we do not have a big space. Nonna stays in a hotel when she visits. We also have street parking and no yard.  We really want that yard!

We went to the east coast in May. My son kept asking about cars and buses. He missed them. He missed going for walks and seeing all the action in the street. He missed the buses and trains.  He missed city life.

I don’t know if we can “do” the suburbs. I just don’t know.  I am afraid we will be bored and sick of driving everywhere. We will get heavy (that’s what happens there, you gain weight and become lazy since you drive instead of walking everywhere).  But I keep thinking about the schools, yard and garage.  It would be nice to have that house. It would be nice to just sit and relax instead of always on the go, go, go!  It would be nice knowing my son is going to a good school and he will grow up the same kids. But raising a city kid is very cool. He would be sophisticated and be a little different from those cookie-cutter suburb kids. He will have much more life experience.  

I just don’t know. I wish we could have it all, but we can’t.  But I do know that suburbs is probably not for us. We need to find an in between place that has both worlds.  If you know it, do tell.

SEARCHING FOR SALLY

I am looking for the perfect girlfriend and can not seem to find her.  I moved to San Francisco 10 years ago from New York City and in the east coast I was able to establish  friendships still going strong. Some of my best friends I’ve known from childhood and others I picked up along my path.  However, in San Francisco I still struggle to find that perfect someone.  I’ve been searching for 10 years and I’ve met a lot of incredible people and most of which I would love to establish that tight, close friendship, but it’s just not sticking.  I can not seem to find my “Sally.” That one friend I can call at anytime and hash it out. The one friend I can count on to help me in a pinch or see a movie with on Sunday nights.  I love my friends here but I want more. I just ONE female, just one I can count on. I guess it’s age. As we get older it’s harder to get close to people. WE ARE BUSY! WE ALL have a lot going on and when one gets married and has kids then forget about it. It’s all over.  So here I am 10 years later and still searching for Sally….

(This post is dedicated to Sally, Stacy, Joanne, Melissa, Amy, Jamie, Kim, Jodi & Scott - my east coast crew)!