WHAT'S YOUR STORY MORNING GLORY?

How did we get “here?”  When I mean “here,” I mean America.  Someone from your family made the bold move to come to America and probably a very wise move. Let’s face it; we live in a very ugly world. My heart breaks when I hear about all the genocides in Africa. My body trembles when I learn more and more about sex slaves and YES, even in this beautiful city I live in has a horrible underbelly of crime and other horrible things, like poor Russian girls kidnapped and turned into sex slaves. But, this NOT what this subject is about (don’t even get me started)!  This is about my family story and it’s a good one. I just wish I had more details because it makes I am so proud of the sacrifice my great grandmother did for her family….

It happened when Nicholas II, the last czar of Russia was in power, (May 18, 1868 -- July 17, 1918).  I am not sure of exact dates or do not even know why, but my great grandparents wanted to flea Mother Russia and go to land of the free… America! My great grandfather fled first and ended up in Scranton, PA.  Apparently many Russians ended up there.  My great grandmother had a very scary experience on her way to meet up with him...

I assume this was during the Russian Revolution, or perhaps during the Russian –Japanese war when everyone was just getting the hell outta there. My great grandmother, her baby girl (my grandmother) and her sons were hiding underneath the street, probably a secret passage to the border where someone was paid to help these women get out. She was with a bunch of other young ladies and their children. My grandmother was not having it, she was a crying and crying.  The other women were very upset and getting agitcated. They told my great grandmother that she would have to smother her baby girl and kill her if she did not stop crying because the soliders would hear them underneath their feet and kill and rape these scared women and children.  My great grandmother was so nervous, scared and stressed out that her hair turned white!  Could you imagine???  Thankfully my grandmother did stop crying. They all made it to Scranton, PA and had a very nice life (I think).  My grandmother met my grandfather, started a family and here I am.

 It is all because of my great grandmother.  And all ll that she did to smuggle her family to a country of freedom, opportunity and no Czars that can take everything away in an instant and cause much harm and damage.

 I am so proud of my story. I tell everyone about it.  I like having a story and wish I could tell my great grandmother how happy and how proud  I am of her. She was very brave and obviously an incredible woman and she had red hair (before it turned grey)! You go Great Grandmother, AKA BUBBY.

ARE YOU THERE BLOG? IT'S ME, TONI!

Hi Blog, how are you? It's been a long time since I've written. Sorry. Life is just getting complicated and busy. Tonight I am sacrificing my son's bedtime to write (meaning child is going to bed much later than I want him to). I guess it's worth it. Husband is happy watching the All Star game, my boy is happily racing his bus around the apartment and I am venting on my favorite forum... my lil blog that I do not know how to share with anyone.

My Cousin Sally said I should write more. She said I should share and post on Facebook, so I did it! I am going to be brave and share to my little world, my inner thoughts about life, shitty work and whatever! I don't know.  I don't know anything anymore.

I am still trying to figure it all out. I'm still trying to find myself, I'm still searching.  When does it end? When do you find the magic white light in life? I watch other couples and wonder what their dark little secrets are. Are they really happy?

Answers. I just want them.  I hope to find them. Meanwhile, hi Blog, it is nice to write again. Will write again soon, I promise.

IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS!

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands.....(I repeat) If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. Silence.  I don't hear many people clapping and it's because America is not happy. We are not happy.  The American dream is a joke and this is the propaganda we were raised on.  School. College. Marriage. Kids. House with white picket fence.  Who says this is how to live a life?

Americans work. work. work and now in most homes, both parents work, which leaves others to raise your children.  To make matters worse, it is extremely stressful getting your children to daycare, preschool, etc AND go to work on time... hoping you get out early enough to see your child before he's in bed.  Most parents don't even see their children.... it's a sad way to live. Companies DO NOT offer enough vacation time and the floating holidays are far and few between.

I really believe something needs to be done, but have no idea where to start. "A vacation initiative" if you will. I propose, as part of a company's benefits, they offer 4 weeks vacation a year and the employee may use any which way, in addition more floating holidays.  American's need to spend MORE time at home and MORE time playing and MORE time with their children.

I wonder why so many people (and parents) are miserable as they get older.  I know... all work and no play makes Jack A CRAZY, ANGRY PERSON!

This is very similar to my last post, but as you can see, I am not happy. I am not clapping my hands.

5 DAYS VACATION

Let's face it, Corporate America sucks.  I am not sure how or why it started but in America it is all work and no play.  Most companies give you very stingy benefits packages, including health benefits which they brag about. But in reality, it still costs a lot of money to provide health insurance for your family, in addition the vacation time is not fair!  Only in America we are expected to work 5 days a week; 8 + hours a day with very little floating holidays and up to 2 weeks vacation the first year (if you are lucky to get that).

I am outraged!!!

In Europe most companies close for the month of August  and they give employees generous vacation packages and the Government will even provide grants if you want to travel overseas.

No wonder there are so many suicides in American and kids are gunning down schools... American's are stressed, unhealthy, unhappy and are not getting enough time with their families. This problem trickles down. Perhaps if parents did not need 2 jobs OR if they had more time with their families then the kids would not go ape shit and harm others.  America needs to change if we are going to raise healthy children. Work, work, work is just not a way to live.

I finally got a job and did a foolish thing by signing the dotted line and agreeing to FIVE DAYS VACATION THE FIRST YEAR. WTF?  I think that should be illegal. What can you do with 5 days vacation?

Moreover, my husband is demanding that we take 2 big vacations a year in addition to long weekends away. He is right, we should be able to do this with out a problem. But it is a big problem when I am not getting paid or I won't be allowed to go because I am only allotted 5 days.  He is going ape shit and he is stressed and not happy. I am not happy.  Work, work, work... for what?  We don't even have nice things or a house. Why are we working so hard? for what?

I am rebelling.

Fuck 5 days vacation and Corporate America.

It all sucks.

MISSING: MY MOJO

I've lost my Mojo and want it back. In fact, I need it back.  I am not sure when or how I lost it, but it's been gone for a long time and I don't even know if I can get it back, no matter how hard I try.

My Mojo was my determination. My Mojo landed me the dream job at Sony Music. My Mojo brought me Pearl Jam. My Mojo was my secret weapon to meeting Eddie Vedder.  My Mojo allowed me to do what I wanted and when I wanted.

I don't have that control anymore. I feel like I am just drifting through life without any power or control. I feel trapped and stuck and I promised myself I would never let that happen. I used to take my life by storm and if I were afraid, I would feel the fear and do it anyway. I didn't care, I just did it.

I don't know what happened but my Mojo is gone, baby gone.  If I am going to get out of this fog then I need it back. I need it to get me out of this terrible situation I am in. I need it to get me out of insurance. I need it to get me out of this apartment and I need it to take my life back.

How do I find it? Where do I look? HOW, how, HoW?  Do I need to reach an all time low like in the Rocky movies and fight my way to the top?  I wish I had the answer. I wish I could find my MoJo as I need it real bad right now.  Mojo, please come home.

RAIN RAIN GO AWAY!

It is officially winter in San Francisco. Winter in Northern California means rain, rain and more rain. Tahoe gets the snow and we get the rain. It pours for hours, days and even weeks.  It's very hard navigating around a city with umbrella, raincoat, boots and even worse a toddler.  I can't use the stroller so I need to strap him in the Ergo and go. I tell ya, that boy is heavy!

I don't like the rain, especially when I have a toddler living in San Francisco.  I wouldn't mind the rain if I could use the time to sit home, relax, bake, go to a movie, shop or even go the gym. But those days are over.  Rain is a big, fat headache. The gear I need to lug around to stay dry is annoying. Trying to find indoor activities with a toddler is annoying and getting my clean hardwood floors wet and muddy is very annoying. I just don't like the rain.

Perhaps if I lived in a big house in the 'burbs I would love the rain. In fact, I know I would. I would have a nice playroom for my child and lots of toys. I would even have a "rain day" stash that would magically appear. Yeah, I would like that very much. Maybe I could even bake and watch a movie while Sebastian is happily playing with his trains on his fabulous train table, or with play dough and the like.  Yes, that would be just perfect.  These are times when I wonder about city living and think how nice and easy the suburbs are .... garage, yard and space.  Rainy days are no problem there.

But that's not my reality.  My situation is different. I have an apartment, lots of stairs and not much space.  I don't have a big play area for my son and I don't have room to store rainy day toys and no yard. Instead I have to get the gear and get out and find indoor places for us. It's a  real drag I tell ya.

Rain Rain go away and come back in 100 days.

HUGGING EDDIE VEDDER

Yes, that is right, my dream came true and I hugged Eddie Vedder (of Pearl Jam - for those who don't know).  In my 20's I was a go-getter. I sought, conquered and destroyed.  If I wanted it, I got it. I wanted Pearl Jam.  I wanted to work in the music industry and it had to be Sony Music (Epic Records) because that was PJ's label and guess what, I did it. And I did it FAST.  I sought, conquered and destroyed.  I had so much ambition then and would not give up.

To make a long story short, I worked in Product Marketing for Epic Records and Pearl Jam (and a few other stellar bands) were on my roster. I decided to follow PJ on tour. Why not?  I had free backstage passes and went backstage and hung out with management whenever I wanted and saw a few shows from the stage.  My boss was 100% supportive because it made "Epic" and her look real good. I was even friendly with some of the guys from the band and pretty close with a few dudes from management. It was a dream come true. But I did a lot for that band, a super fan can be a very good thing when you work in the inside. Such as all the Sony equipment they wanted and all the CD's they wanted. I hooked them up and they hooked me up. It was a perfect relationship. In fact, they gave me a title on their Live On Two Legs DVD (Equipment Manager; Toni Neuman) and a "thank-you"since I organized all of the equipment for them; sweet baby Jesus! I even received a plaque that is hanging on my wall. It hangs proud.

PJ played 2 nights in Philadelphia and naturally I went both nights. The 2nd night was the night.
I was backstage after the show and the band and management (including Eddie) were all hanging out in the "green room" backstage. I walked in and walked out. I didn't know what to do. Liz, (management person) walked me back in and introduced me to Eddie and I have to admit, it was one hell of an introduction.  I was red as an apple because I knew ALL eyes were on me.  We said Hi and chatted about the show.... watching stage vs with the crowd, blah, blah, blah.  I thought it went well, people were smiling and asking me questions. But it was time to go. It's not the kind of scene where I could hang out and linger.

I couldn't leave with out some kind of contact. This was Eddie f*&^%ing Vedder. He was MY music guy.  I walked over and said, "I have to shake your hand." He pulled me in for a hug. Can you believe this shit? I am not making this up. It happened with a room full of witnesses.  I left beaming.

Now, if some little Jewish gal from Philly clawed her way to NYC, Sony Music, Pearl Jam into Eddie's arms, can't I find a way to get out of insurance?!?!?!